first the window, then it's through the wall..

ugh, i think unfortunately, my christmas excitement has already been and gone, i hope i change my mind by the end of the week..i tried to go to the supermarket at lunch, and it was so busy i almost screamed..i don't mind queuing so much, it's more the parents who let their unruly kids push their trolleys into you, or old people who stop right in front of you, only ever when you're in a rush..grrrrr!

anyway, rant over..i did venture into town on friday in a spate of last minute christmas shopping so that i could post everything in time for the big day, and in the process was reminded of my most recent arcadia gift card, received from surveys recently, and hopped into the miss selfridge sale to take a look..i came out with the cardigan i have been admiring for ages, a huge chunky beast of a cardi in a lovely neutral oatmeal, which was in the ale down to £22 from £45, so with my giftcard i only paid £12..so i wore it yesterday with a floral dress from dotty p's and my trusty Irregular Choice cowgirl boots, almost worn out now, (will have to break in the replacement pair soon i fear)..along with that was a scarf with lipstick print from h&m, which i found last week and had forgotten i owned..not a particularly exciting outfit, but i only spent the day going for breakfast with a friend, and then watching tv / reading / snoozing on the sofa, so it didn't call for much more..

today's outfit for work is a rockabilly polka dot dress from h&m, which i love for the buttons all down the back (nightmare to put on, but love the effect), teamed with a red cardi, red hairband and a red beret, and my irregular choice heart print heels..i then added a gorgeously thick brown vintage fur coat, not pictured..day off tomorrow, which i am looking forward to immensely as my sis will be back from uni for the holidays and is spending the day with me! :)

my only nod towards festive spirit at the moment is that i've been using my radley explorer bag, which only gets released from the wardrobe about one week per year, as i feel it's a bit too xmassy for everyday..

the weather outside is frightful..

in a bit of a mad panic today, have just realised i need to get all my christmas post sent out today, so am frantically wrapping in between uploading drawings at work..am starting to get into the christmas mood a little bit though, which is nice, considering the weather is freezing, and keeps promising to snow, but no sign of it yet..i much prefer this freezing temperature to rain, so i'm fairly cheerful..

have quite a few outfit posts to catch up on, have been working madly towards a deadline this week, so glad to finally have a chance to relax..

i've worn the new matalan skirt again for work this week, because i found a lovely heart print grey cardi with the same colour blue for the hearts, and dressed it up for work with the blue skirt and a pair of grey glitter heels..

one of last weekend's outfits, dressed around the floral bow hairband from new look..white lipstick print tshirt, h&m, blue tulle net skirt from rokit in london (also sometimes use as a petticoat for the volume!), and orange cardi from h&m via ebay, with tiny polka dots on..these were teamed with my ancient irregular choice cowgirl print boots, a cheerful outfit for a cheering up day spent with a lovely friend, who took me to see 'where the wild things are' (first time i have ever been to the cinema in the morning i think, was a weird feeling)..

sunday's outfit was a turquoise blue strapless primark dress, with a cream heart print cardi over the top, and obviously when i left the house i didn't wear the slippers - in fact i changed them for my irregular choice peanuts boots to match some of the colours..

sunday night was spent at a friend's for mulled wine, and then out for a few drinks in town, and i had a bit of a wardrobe dilemma, so tried a couple of outfits (above right) before settling on a black strapless river island dress with sequins and floral print, plum longline thin cardi, and a vintage brown fur coat, handed down to me from my nana, which caused a bit of debate with the people i went out with..the clutch bag was a bargain topshop sale purchase, £5 and a great size to fit all you need in, phone purse and camera at least..

finally, my work christmas party outfit, for lunchtime meal / into evening drinks..after a lot of deliberation over what dress to wear - i decided the long monsoon one i had in mind was too long for a lunchtime meal, so went with this ruffled blue one from eucalyptus, via a local boutique..i teamed it with the new staple stain blazer, black tights, and my favourite ever pair of shoes, blue patent shoe boots from topshop a long time ago, which hold some happy memories and are so comfy to walk in, which was good as we ended up walking into town later on..but all in all, a lovely time was had by all i hope...

i wanna scream, until no sound comes out and you learn your lesson..

god i really hate emotions..why can't you just listen to your head and turn them off?! i know my heart is wrong, but it hurts and a subconscious part of me wants to follow it, regardless of the fact it would end up in tears (mine), again :(

i'm trying so hard to forget, and concertrate on other things to keep me busy, but then all of a sudden i remember that i can't pick up the phone and hear that everything will be ok anymore..and it's like hitting a wall, really hard when i remember..i know things will get better with time, they have to, but the selfish and irrational part of me just wants them to go back to when we were happy together..i know a lot has happened, and i can understand his reluctance, but if he gave me a chance to prove how much i have changed, and realised what i want, i'd give anything to give things another try..pathetic, i know..

as for today's outfit, i'm still on my 'heels-week', and it really does seem to be improving my confidence, i now remember when i used to wear them all the time, and how much i love to be that little bit taller! the same tape measure ones from monday, this time with a lovely blue tulip skirt i picked up last night from matalan for £6 whilst i waited for my sis to finish karate class..have teamed it with the trusty black blazer, black tights and a grey top, so that all focus is on the skirt and shoes..

i never thought that you could break me apart i keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart..

i'm hoping to get at least some of that christmas feeling by the end of the day - my little sis is coming to work to help me decorate my office, and then coming for tea at mine so she can put my xmas dec's up at home too, as i have exactly NO enthusiasm for the festive season as yet..but my lovely purchases from the clothes show are pictured here, as well as outfits from yesterday and today..

i'm quite proud of myself for being so restrained on sunday at the clothes show, i managed to limit myself to the one pair of shoes from the irregular choice stall, which are technically not even IC's - Poetic Licence, but i totally fell for the gold and floral print mixture.. and the dresses were compete bargains, the red halterneck one reminds me of one in topshop earlier this year, and was only £15, whilst the maxi dress was £10 and is being put away for next summer, although i'm already looking forward to wearing it with some gold sandals..

yesterday's outfit was an effort to look smarter than i usually do at work - i always feel more confident in heels, and thought i could do with the helping hand..so went for a simple leopard print dress from tesco (i'm always concerned about leopard print, as if it's not worn right i am aware it can look super-tacky) so i just went for black accessories, apart from the leopard print bangle..the black blazer features yet again, and i went for one of my more simple pairs of IC's - black pinstriped with tape measure rosettes, which i think are one of their most classic styles, and soooo comfy - managed to wear them all day at work, and then to my guides meeting, where we spent a relaxing evening making xmas cards - much fun :)

today i decided to wear a blouse for the first time in ages (i don't really have the shape for them, and so usually find them uncomfortable), but i think this purple one is smartening up the skirt to make it look a bit more officey (hopefully)..and i decided to go for another pair of heels, this time the gold and black zig zag stripe ones - think it's definitely a 'heels week' this week - i have this pair in about 6 different colours, and they are the most comfortable pair of shoes to wear ever!! i'm planning on another version in the january sales too..i think that may be the most exciting thing about christmas, although this year there are sales on now, so it kinda spoils the rush of the january ones..

few scenes from my life or moments mean more to me than our fine nights..

a new week, and i'm still miserable as sin, and have probably cried the most tears yet over this past weekend, but i've also made some progress, i hope..

i've got a couple of outfits to post, although haven't taken a pic of today's yet..my saturday was spent doing general errands, after a late night at work the previous night, as i wasn't feeling up to much, so just added lots of layers for comfort more than anything..the tunic dress is a miss selfridge one, which i love the ditsy prints on, but not the shape, so i used this vintage looking (but actually ASOS) elephant belt to try and cinch it a little, the tshirt underneath was an impulse buy for £2 in the new look sale, but i love the rusty, autumn colour, and the gold cardi is h&m..and the scarf was an xmas present years ago from accessorize..bit of a mess, but i wasn't dressing to impress anyone so i didn't really care..

yesterday i spent my day at the clothes show live, at the NEC, which i had never been to before..had a fantastic time, despite being ridiculously tired from the night at work and came away with a little shopping, there was an irregular choice stall after all, although amazingly i managed to limit myself to only one pair..i also got two dresses, which i shall add pics of next post :) my outfit for the day was a purple floral warehouse dress, with the cropped black blazer which has been getting a lot of wear recently..the fox necklace was in the window of one of my favourite local shops a couple of weeks ago, and i just had to have it..the clutch bag was a bargainous £4 from the peacocks sale and the perfect size for all the essentials..the show was amazing (and provided the start of my christmas excitement), and i was so glad for the excuse of a day away from everything to take my mind off things..hope everyone else enjoyed a lovely weekend :)

so one day he found her crying, coiled up on the dirty ground..

blue blue blue..is how im feeling, and what im wearing..everytime i feel as though i'm making progress and moving on, something seems to happen to make me sadder than before at the things that used to be, and the person i was..i know too much has changed to go back to how we were, i wouldn't want to pretend nothing had ever gone wrong, but sometimes i feel the injustice of life when i gave him so many chances and he can't even give me one chance to prove things can work and be as brilliant as they once were..i just feel like crying, but i can't - have to go to work in a few hours..




thought i may as well catch up on some of the outfits i've not yet posted, as today's is too tear-stained for a photo now..



for tuesday's work outfit, this is a simple cut new look dress, with a boring cardi and brightened up with one of my favourite bags, a heart shaped patent one from topshop - i loved this sooo much i ended up getting it in both of the size options..

sooner or later, the things you love you lose..

today is just proving to me that the weather is getting slowly colder..however, i don't feel too down about it as i have that lovely "new shoe" feeling..i managed to nab this pair of irregular choice 'peanuts' boots, for literally peanuts via ebay, so am rather pleased, they arrived yesterday and brightened up an otherwise annoyingly stressful day..

i've teamed them with a rather simple tea dress from new look, incorporating some of the colours, a black cardi and leggings, and the cute little clown brooch, which caught my eye and cost me £3 from a street market last winter..

i've spent the last few days collecting together a pile of things to ebay from my overcrowded wardrobes, and have made a start, although there are some things i'm not sure whether to sell or keep, such as this tank top..,i'd like to keep it so long as i can think of a way to dress it for work, bearing in mind i don't wear trousers as a rule.., and all i can think of is an oversized shirt tucked into a pair of smart trousers :(

in addition, i photographed this river island hat, bought last year and never even worn, but then had second thoughts, as i decided i would like to wear it this year after all so i think i will hang onto it for a little longer to see if i would actually wear it first, especially now the weather is starting to get much colder..